#I'm not supposed to say anything yet but the clout will get me

[dashcon-two]

if we get 500 notes and nobody narcs on me to my bosses I'll leak the ball pit plans

[lovethatmakingcoffee]

So!

how many more content creators are going to be accused of being called a pedophile with no hard evidence, a police warrant, anything physical and it's by an anonymous tweet from some stranger online who would rather tell social media than I don't know... HAVE THEM GET ARRESTED BY THE POLICE?!

How many more creators, huh?! How many?! How many more YouTubers, twitch streamers, singers, animators, artists?! How many of you are gonna jump on them???? And it's so easy if it's a guy, right? So easy! And no matter how they react, whether it's calm and calculated, shutting down their channel as a whole, or answering immediately yet obviously angry about it- they are always ALWAYS GUILTY. what happened to innocent until proven guilty? And eo is this person? That they are willing to fan the flames and accuse someone of something so terrible online??? Who are u?????

Why do this now? Why do it how at the HEIGHT of Forever's popularity? Why not do it before so he was never on the qsmp or even long before that? Or in the middle at all???? Why now? That is my question? If this is all true, why now? And why use social media? Why not go to the police if he really did a crime? You are accusing someone of a very terrible thing. Why not do it properly instead of searching for Internet clout? What're we supposed to do? The only thing we can, huh? Cancel. Because that's what u want. Is to cancel him. When he was obviously so loved by the masses yesterday. When he had all those cruise pic photos showing how good his life was. Yeah, I don't think u want him arrested or lynched. No, u want to cancel him. Making me wonder if there was ever a real çrime.

Which I wonder quite often with these cases.

And GUYS. HEADS UP! You know whose next? Hm? It'll probably be Wilbur, probably being said that he approached some underage girl on tour or whatever. Or maybe it'll be quackity or hell, even Philza! Oh, Etoiles got cancelled not so long ago, let's cancel him again! Oh what about Bagerha or Cellibit? Let's throw Charlie into the mix. Ironmouse will be hard to cancel cause she's been locked inside of her room all her life and has a very dedicated fanbase, but I'm sure you bastards will find something.

So mhm, everyone is nexted because antis have proven it to be so easy to get rid of someone they don't like. Gone the next day. All of them are suspectable to it. Cause u know why? Cause they are stupid humans who have said stupid shit! And you will just take anything they said and did and run with it!!! Every time! So it's only a matter of time until someone new gets targeted. And depending on how tough skinned they are, they will disappear in a matter of seconds.

Let's just throw all of qsmp away while we're at it! No more eggs, no more community, blah blah blah! Something problematic will happen and you all will jump on it and say 'oh, I never liked them anyway'. Which is such a lie! Such bullshit, u are all bullshitters.

And I know for a fact that y'all aren't saints. We have all said disgusting jokes. Race, lgbt, whatever! We've all done it- don't lie! Here, I'll go first. I joked about a school shooting the other day with my friends. There, cancel me. I gave you the ammunition, now take your fucking shot.

This happens every god damn time someone u enjoy gets popular too fast. They get called a pedo, or a racist, or a transphobe or anything easy to spark the mob. I have seen it time and time again with creators running away because theyve been chased off their respective platforms. I saw an artists make the most beautiful art ever, get accused of being a pedo by one person, everyone joined in for some reason and chased her away. I will never not be bitter about that. I HATE ALL OF YOU WHO DID SUCH A THING AND IF I EVER GOT MY HANDS ON YOU I SWEAR TO GOD. But I am sick of people 'finding' or bringing shit to light or whatever and then just post it online! Like fuck! If he really did a crime! Arrest him! But he didn't, did he? Cause that's the fucking game we are playing rn.

Such hypocrites, it's fascinating. Literally yesterday you were kissing this mans feet and exhaling him, but one anon person saw that and chose violence. And you just.... changed your minds???? Like that? Like a switch of a button? Crazy, actually crazy, and childish.

How come everyone flips and flops so easily on the internet??? How is it so easy for you????? And how can u other supposed fans just accept it so easily??? I will never understand and I will bite and claw at all of you. You all loved him 24 hours ago and now with the bare minimum of evidence you flip? You all would be terrible on jury duty. I hope none of you ever get on jury duty.

Anyway, I'll probably get a ton of backlash from this post and delete it later, waking up in the morning with tons of hate. But I don't care. Prove him guilty. Get the hard evidence that he is a pedo and I will believe it when I see it. Have him be in damn cuffs. Get the mugshot. If that is at all true! But I'm not putting my life and art on pause for conveniently timed discourse.

Maybe I'll delete this post tomorrow. But now I'm fuming at all of you.

And yeah, as for me, I had a shit disgusting last year, qsmp and especially forever was one of the few things that got me out of it and calmed me down. And you guys are going to be talking about how wrong and problematic the things he said that was (what was it?) 8 years ago!!! Then guess what, I love a very problematically spoken parent that would make all of you quake and vomit the moment she opened her mouth. But also, that woman saved me from being homeless. For giving me a place to stay after being DEPORTED. So, if u need a little kindergarten lesson today, internet, is that people will say all sorts of horrible cancelable shit, but it's what they actually do, that really matters.

Goodnight.

[avelera]

"The Regime" (starring Kate Winslet and Matthias Schoenaerts) Episode 2 Review

So last week I gave my review of this first episode of this.... rather perplexing show. And this week, mostly out of morbid curiosity, I tried out episode 2 and thought I'd share my impressions of it.

Once again, let's start with the good:

Matthias Schoenaerts (aka, Booker from The Old Guard) is acting his face off in this. So is Kate Winslet.

That said, they are acting their faces off in completely different shows.

But it kinda works?

Hold on, wait a minute, let me start again, because like this show, I'm immediately completely muddled by how I feel about all this or what the fuck is going on.

Let me put it this way. I thought I was signing up for a sort of "Death of Stalin" political satire, with fictionalized object lessons that clearly applied as cautionary tales to modern political issues like Trump, or Putin, or the Royal Family or whatever, using a heaping side helping of comedy.

That's not quite what we got. And I think the people who signed up for that are going to be... at least a little disappointed. The comedy is absurdist and definitely relies on the cringiness of the big personalities involved. But for me, at least, there wasn't quite enough comedy to say this is, well, a comedy.

If you have historical familiarity with various historical regimes and dictators, you'll definitely get a "Where's Waldo" of traits and idiosyncrasies of various dictators all blended together into Kate Winslet's character as she portrays this fictionalized regime head. You'll get your standard cast of various Political Advisors all tutting over her actions and which way this fictional country should go.

But since it is fictional (it seems based heavily on Moldova as of this episode?) a lot of the political clout, to me, didn't exactly land because again, it's not based on real events so I really don't know where any of this is going or which decisions are actually good or bad in the long run.

And if the show was just going to be about that, I definitely would have quit out of it by now, pending good reviews of the finale somehow pulling everything together.

But now for the really unexpected bit.

Because if you signed up for a dark romance between an absurd, psychologically irregular, frankly bizarre would-be dictator who has the occasional moment of pathos, as played by the stunning and talented Kate Winslet, and her psychosexual relationship with her violently masculine, brooding, and supremely fucked-up self-appointed guard dog with the occasional moment of pathos, as played with dark and terrifying intensity by Matthias Schoenaerts, holy fuck do I think you're about to have the time of your life.

Like, I think the show wants to resonate with Veep audiences who are here for a cringey absurd political comedy, but I think the people who are actually going to be absolutely frothing-at-the-mouth obsessed with this show are like... your Reylo shipping Dark Fucked Up Romance people and Tumblr fandom in general who would really enjoy Villain/Sidekick or Villain/Bodyguard romances as seen when this Possibly Evil Dictator and her Possibly Evil Guard Dog/Advisor are being completely obsessed with each other, all with a rather small side of absurdist comedy as things continue to spiral and get gradually more fucked up.

Now, this is just my review as of 1.02. I have no idea if that's where this show is going because the problem I have with this episode is kinda just a slightly lesser version of the problem I had with 1.01, which could be a matter of taste, in that I really have no fucking clue what this show is going for or what it's trying to accomplish. It's not really laugh out loud funny. It hasn't really said anything political yet. We can't really tell yet what cautionary tales we're supposed to take away, if any?

But in the meantime, there's Winslet and Schoenaerts performing in completely different genres being darkly obsessed with each other and, y'know what, I might stick around just for the slow-motion-trainwreck fascination with whatever the fuck they've got going on.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling a bunch of pricks to quit the fandom?

Most of you here hate Kpop and its fans but I'm still sending it because many of you are friends with people like them for other reasons, I know this for a fact. So ignore I suppose.

I'm Asian, I was mutuals with some Americans and one European fan from other fandoms, they all became very casual Kpop fans relatively recently and they do all this:

• Pick fights with fans of western artists for small things nobody really cares about, using fandom and the Faves as shield, which gets them to send hate to our faves who we know have dealt with a lot of cyberbullying for years.

Kpop fans all get conscious about mental health and cyberbullying for about an hour when something bad happens, but don't stop doing it and say that specifically our faves are "too sensitive and selling their trauma" which is another thing, I digress.

• Laugh at jokes made my antis cuz it's not serious, often these jokes are racist and dehumanizing but normal to them.

• Laugh with their mutuals from other fandoms when they make jokes based on rumours, like one time they thought it was funny that one of the Faves got called p*dophile by antis just bcs he's a man who likes kids and is playful with kids he meets, only women can like kids unproblematically apparently.

• Play "devil's advocate" when bigger accounts or inflencers talk shit about the Faves, most of the time it's biased hateful nonsense but to them supporting it is a sign of being mature fans who can take criticism.

They do this all the time, genuine love for an artist is beneath them, kpop is beneath them it's not Ackshually Art no since Koreans also don't take it seriously?! It's just that the bragging opportunities and clout is good around here!

• Act like SJWs most of the time but constantly make microaggressive comments about Korean people in their private chats, joke about mandatory military service, call themselves misandrists yet judge the women in Kpop like they're dolls, get into discourse they have no clue about and give their shitty takes, tell everyone else they don't know Anything about kpop but still partake in these fanwars and discourses, bring the worst takes from twitter to tumblr out of context for laughs, judge Every Single Thing thru American/ western lens and expect us all to know their double entendre and culture etc.

I got fed up, nobody else says anything to their face because they can spin it to make it like us Mainly Kpop fans are rabid obsessive weirdos who care too much about strangers and they're rational mature women of varying refined taste who merely observe kpop from a healthy distance. And I told them to stop being in the fandom if they're gonna be everything but fans. You tell me how all that is fan behavior? They call themselves fans but oh they're too busy adulting to even listen to a 5 year old album, not busy when it is about trashtalking their own faves and fandom, okay!

But apparently I was too rude, the audacity of me to call leftist wocs racist! I cannot tell them what they can or cannot do! So here we are.

What are these acronyms?

[masonscig]

speaking of rebecca, am i the only one who's kind of surprised by the amount of people who hate her (valid) while also seeming to love bobby (also valid, but feels contradictory here)?

like, i can completely understand both of those takes, don't get me wrong (full disclosure of my two detectives on bobby's route carrie has a good relationship with bobby and rebecca, and avery all but hates them both) but considering rebecca's absentness and manipulative tendencies tend to be what turn people off from her it's kinda strange to see some of those same people uwuify bobby who, as an ex in particular, is explicitly stated as being manipulative to the MC during their relationship using them for information, clout, and straight up stealing their work in college. and while i get the appeal of them being like, the one anti-copaganda figure in the series now with how book 3 ends, but this is also the same bobby who to this point has canonically: been an incredibly manipulative partner in college and has continued post-breakup, has stalked the MC basically once a book, bugged their office in book 1, forced their way into the mc's apartment in book 2, tries to coerce them MC into sex to loosen their tongue on multiple occasions included multiple tries after the mc's made it clear they're no longer interested, and can be directly called out for trying to take advantage of the detectives emotional state during the kidnappings to get more info despite showing little to no sympathy for the victims being taken. even if there's good intentions there nothing about that is healthy even considering their respective careers (maybe even less so because of them).

again, not trying to bash either side of it, i guess i'm just trying to figure where people draw that line? to me they're both emotionally manipulative individuals who are trying to repair what they had with the mc to some degree and protect them, but don't know how to do it without being manipulative. they mirror each other in a lot of ways yet one seems to get a free pass more often than the other. idk maybe i'm just rambling but thanks for giving a place to do it <3

oh i LOVE this ask – and no problem at all! ramble on bestie i love reading your thoughts! <3

 i'm gonna put my response under the cut bc i have Thoughts

i do think it's wild to see how much more willing people are to forgive (is that the right phrasing? maybe tolerate is better here) bobby's behavior over rebecca's, but i think i can understand why to a certain degree

so, to clarify before i say anything, i think both of them fucking suck and should not be in mc's life for multiple reasons. bad mother, bad partner, bad friend, whatever, honestly they're doing more harm than good – it's mainly because they both aren't willing to correct their behaviors. you could argue that rebecca is, because she says it, but she doesn't do anything about it. she just says she's going to be a better mom like saying it out loud will make it true

[also i'm rereading the stuff i wrote, and this is from the perspective of someone who only picks 'have a bad relationship with rebecca' for their detectives, so take all my rambling with that in mind!]

but i think the reason rebecca cuts a lot deeper is because there's a different kind of love you're supposed to experience from either relationship. (i'm saying this generally bc from your ask i'm sure we're on the same page ab this !! it's hard to put this into words because i know that people (this includes me) have a lot of complex feelings about parental/spousal love and what standards you should have for either.

("dump him/her!" and "go no contact!" crowd, i'm sorry but i'm not heading in that direction LMAO)

for me, rebecca falls flat in a million ways, because she's trying to make up for years of being an absent parent with empty promises she's yet to fulfill. i know it takes time, as repairing any relationship does, but it does seem like she's approaching it almost in a selfish way, like mc's forgiveness will atone for the years she missed out on, when that's not even close to how these things work. and now with mc working closer with her? it'll restrain the relationship even more before it even gets to start.

she definitely doesn't think she's intending to be manipulative, but she is, by guilt tripping mc at different points throughout the series – but no matter what her intent is, the point is, she was supposed to be a loving mother to her child, and instead of leaning into that, she leaned away. she allowed her child to grow up without two parents instead of one, when unconditional love is the standard for any parent. taking out the whole "rebecca is a working parent" thing, bc that's totally okay, there's ways she could be there for her child that she just. wasn't.

instead of "my love for my child takes priority over my grief for my husband" it turned into "my grief for my husband takes priority over my love for my child" – and that's not okay.

i think bobby is bad, but at the very least, i think being fucked over and abandoned by a partner is a different kind of betrayal than having an absent parent – let me put it this way: if you have an awful romantic partner, you can move on from that by being shown what a "better" relationship looks like. that's what's happening in canon with mc, their ro, and their li. but... if mc has an awful parent (rebecca), then what's replacing that parental love? familial love from ub? that's all good and well (incredible, even), but that's not the same as love from a mother that's there but chooses not to be, you know? (also, please note, take this for as it is, because i think love comes in all shapes and forms – and i believe that you don't need a certain love to live happily, i'm just talking hypothetically about these fictional characters LMAO)

also, i think that if you choose to have a good relationship with rebecca, it's still not a good look – i said this in another ask, but i think that rebecca approaching certain situations the same way regardless of her relationship with mc feels intentional, whether or not m*shka intended that to happen. it's further proof that rebecca won't (can't, isn't willing to) change i think

i feel like this ask got away from me bc i started thinking less about people forgiving rebecca/bobby and more about why i think rebecca is worse SORRY DGKMMDKGKMG

OKAY i need to stop myself bc i know i have a lot of thoughts and i could probably talk forever about this but i am shutting the fuck up now LMFAO

[bereft-of-frogs]

friday! 🌿

books:

(in progress) Salvation Day - Kali Wallace: I have started and not finished this book like 4 times. Which is probably a bad sign because I also didn't love the other book by this author I read. I've heard this is better though. But I couldn't pick anything else, officially DNF'd Kill Show, I skimmed a couple pages of the other book I took out of the library and I think I'm too much in A Mood to read it, so I am attempting this again.

(in progress) The Rising Storm - Cavan Scott: Not much to say, chugging along with catching up on the High Republic, extremely slowly. I'm just happy Bell and Indeera are back! Love them.

(finished) The Hobbit: Not my favorite, but I feel like it's good to revisit occasionally. Still hilarious when Tolkien kind of slips into that super epic fantasy voice, and then goes right back into 'kids adventure' tone

(in progress) The Silmarillion: Ngl, part of this reread is fueled by that person on the 'have you read this fantasy book' who for some reason didn't believe that 300 people (based on the results at the time of their comment) read The Silmarillion and accused us all of lying for clout. (which like...clout? what clout? why would I lie about this?) So I'm reading it again.

tv:

Constellations (AppleTV+): I LOVE this. LOVE it. I mean I'm always a sucker for space ghosts so that was a given, but this is really fun. The lost cosmonaut stuff, communicating through tapes, the fairy tale like elements. I love it Also my toxic trait is basically any multiverse thing I judge based on whether or not I think it could be a branch of The OA's multiverse tree and this passes that test, you can easily imagine Brit Marling and Jason Issacs chasing each other around the universes just off-screen. I only have one episode left, really interested to see where things are going (still wondering who the 'ghost' who appeared when the Soyuz disengaged from the ISS was, I have a Theory, but I'm not sure yet). Also bonus point for having some absolutely genuinely creepy scenes. I am so desensitized, it's always really fun when something manages to unsettle me.

You (Netflix): Trash fave, this is my current 'while I'm cooking/eating dinner' show, it's so cheesy but I love it. I never watched the latest season but revisiting season 1 is fun.

Under the Bridge (Hulu): Yeah so episode 1 I was like 'oh old friends? that would be hot. they'll never do it' and then episode 3 was like 'yeah they're *old friends* *wink* *they make out*' and I was like OH OK.

film:

They Cloned Tyrone (2023): I love movies where at the climax everything seems to go wrong and then it rewinds and shows you how it's really all going according to plan. Also, this was brilliant for the plan basically revolving around the villains seeing what they wanted to see, and the protagonists playing into that. And it recreated the vibe of those 70s exploitation films so well.

Palm Springs (2020): This kept appearing on 'what time loop media is your favorite' polls so I thought I'd rewatch it. Still SUCH a fun time loop movie. I did vote for it in both polls, despite the second also having 'that one episode of supernatural' as a possibility.

The Grudge (2019): ABYSMAL. Like truly terrible. I'm not saying the original US remakes were good, but they do have a special place in my heart because they were some of the first movies to really scare me. And also I thought maybe this wouldn't be so bad, I liked the Netflix Ju-On: Origins series that came out in 2020 fine despite it not getting very good reviews. But no. In this case, the reviews were correct, this was awful. In the running for the worst movie of the year and it's barely May.

The Stranger (2020): Maika Monroe has such a weird typecasting haha but I don't hate it. I learned that this was apparently supposed to be a Quibi series and was stitched back together after the fall of Quibi. It probably would have been more effective as short form content. I probably would have ate it up. But as a film it just felt like 'ok wtf is going on'.

to do:

work day: I'm hoping to get through my tasks fast so I can write on the clock. ('doesn't that mean you should be doing them and not making this post?' SILENCE.)

oh man so much writing because I set myself a deadline so now. there's that. well ok it is self-imposed and if things do go catastrophically wrong, I can JUST post the first chapter. That's for sure ready. ideally though: finish the last 2.5 chapters this weekend -> resolve comments (most of which are just 'come up with secondary character name', 'check spelling on wiki', but there is one I know I have to be clever for which...we'll see how clever I can be) -> full read-through. I'll eventually (sooner rather than later) have to rewrite the action sequences of chapter 9, but I think that should be enough to make me feel like I can start weekly posting.

I might go to my favorite thrift store tomorrow to look for some 'person who cares about their job' dresses/blouses/idk for annual corporate socializing event week

Star Wars day! lol remember how exactly a year ago I was like 'idk man, it's star wars day but I'm really not feeling it' and then had to eat my words like literally less than two weeks later? that was funny. cheers to that. Meeting my dad and brother at the movie theater and then we're going out for pizza just like it's 1999 (ok my brother was not actually there in 1999 because he was 4, but we welcome him to the nostalgia trip)

the monthly Big Clean (aka I fell behind on recycling so I have to take a lot down to the recycling bins, and the vacuum and mop are coming out)

pretend to care about my job for 3 days. Ok, no, I do care about my job in that I actually do like it and I want to do a good job, I just don't really care about like...*the company*. but I will get a lot of free food and probably wine if I pretend to care about the company for 3 days. so. fair exchange.

[golbrocklovely]

Twitter is trying to cancel SnC yet again I see.

If I were SnC I would literally just delete all my twitter profiles except for their channels twitter which I'd then use ONLY for promoting when new videos drop. Just so the twitter fans can learn that they aren't as important as they seem to think they are because those boys are nearly at 12 million subscribers on youtube, twitter is but a mere handful of that subscriber count so it really wouldn't matter if they all decided to stop watching.

(plus the video they're all angry at is actually performing very well, it's already at 2M views on just day 2 of releasing. This suggests a lot of the fandom may not share twitters opinions...)

i don't see snc deleting their twitters, but i do see them continuing to not use them and just letting them sit dormant bc that side of the fandom is too dramatic.

i've said my peace on this 100 times over, but i don't mind saying it again bc it keeps happening and no one over there is getting it lol

not that i'm telling them either since most of them i have blocked or they have me blocked lmao

that side of the fandom has cried wolf one too many times and now expects snc to still listen to them. and look, back in 2020/21, maybe that would have happened. bc twitter held a lot more stock back then. but not anymore. they thought they could call out snc for every little thing and expect them to always listen and for all of the fandom to agree. and reality is that just won't fly anymore.

were there genuine reasons to call them out before in the past (and even now)? sure. i'm not here to argue that. but what i am saying is once everyone jumped over the line in the sand and started getting mean and calling them out for nonsense things, idk what you expected to happen.

it's one thing to complain about content and what's going on in it or that it's taking too long to get new content out. it's another thing to bitch about their gfs and say they shouldn't date them, or in general to bring up personal shit.

where our input starts and ends is content related, and that's it. anyone that thinks they have a say in what snc do in their own personal lives are delulu. it doesn't matter if you believe you have their best interest in mind, your input is unwanted. that's just reality.

also i think a lot of ppl on twitter think they speak for everyone in the fandom but they fail to realize that this fandom has 12 mil ppl in it (roughly). even if one of the louder fans on there has a 1000 followers, that's not even 1% of the entire fandom. that's not even .01%. that's how little the amount of ppl you speak for.

my thing is, all of this complaining and drama started in january, around colby's bday, when the pics of them with the girls leaked. and since then, this fandom and that side in particular hasn't shut up since. and look, obviously not everything is about the girls and not everyone is even complaining about the girls. i'm not trying to cast wide nets here and assume. but… be honest: yall have been complaining for WEEKS about a variety of things, ranging from them having gfs that might be clout chasers to snc not talking about a genocide, and somehow…….. i'm supposed to take any of that seriously??? snc are supposed to take that seriously??? those are two VERY different things, no?

but hey, you wanna be upset at snc for whatever reason, be my guest. i'm not here to stop you. do whatever you want. but at what point do you just accept that snc aren't gonna meet your demands and thus your only option is to leave?? just curious. and are you okay with the fact that just bc you leave doesn't mean anyone is gonna miss you, including snc? harsh reality is snc don't know who you are, and that's not bc you don't deserve to be known - they just realistically don't know you, and you leaving isn't gonna do anything.

but if you aren't enjoying your time here, leave. it's better in the long run to pay attention to something that actually brings you happiness rather than stick around and be miserable.

[xxxwounds]

rant

No I think I am quite done with a majority of my supposed online "friendships." The past few months in particular have made some things abundantly clear like how little value so many people see in me beyond the lens of a screen and having""aesthetic"" characters or whatever and using me for all I have just to leave me high and dry in the end- because I don't matter, not to them. Because I'm nothing more than some online persona. I'm not an actual person, or at least not much of one to them. Because ultimately, no matter what I say or do so many people will never regard friendships over distance the same as IRL and as such I am all the more disposable, especially when I no longer have anything "desirable" to offer like clout or an online presence. I've tried so hard to help and be of use and to extend myself time and time again, and for what? It means nothing, because I don't have enough eyes on me or popularity or pretty enough art myself.

You hurt me so badly, I am suffering enough with IRL circumstances as it is and yet I get to experience the joy of numerous so-called online "friends" causing me pain and showing me how little they actually ever cared for me. I love the fact I knew someone for several years, considered them to be a good friend even to only find out and learn how they were an obsessive borderline stalker using me as a third wheel and an emotional punching bag. I love how my advice and suggestions and efforts not only on a business side but a human one just trying to show that I care likewise mean nothing and some people will have no problem sending out their followers after me at the drop of a hat, and for what? Because I got exhausted of waiting for years on unfulfilled promises? I waited years over lost money to speak up more because I did care and desperately hoped for improvement, but it never came and yet I am apparently so evil for utilizing tools to prevent others from potentially getting scammed. You are callous. None of you think with your hearts and brains if it doesn't concern those you superficially lust over. Let me be.

This is all meaningless. I will never waste time like this again, it isn't worth it and I already hated being online enough as it was to only have this reinforced. And then when I try telling other "friends" of those who have hurt me, what do you do? You specifically cozy up to them? You tell me you won't do certain things just to in fact go do it? Why can't you just be honest and tell me if our relationship is so meaningless? Why can't you just tell me if I am so annoying or burdensome instead of dragging me along? Why lead me to believe I mean something when it's only ever been the opposite?

I'm so sick. I hate all of this so much. You know I have been in the hospital, you know my recent issues with medications, you know my familial problems and yet you do this to me anyway with little to no regard- because I don't matter. Because I'm not a person in your eyes and never will be, because I don't have the resources or popularity you desire. I hurt and it doesn't matter because I am totally and thoroughly worthless and you can so easily ignore me and turn away in favor of those who bring you more online benefit. I am discardable.

I understand being busy and all, but where did you all go? You're supposed to be my friends and yet when I am at my worst and being thrown to the wolves and grasping with turmoil you are nowhere to be seen. I do my uttermost to help you or to try to show my love and affection, and all that happens is I am stomped on time and time again. I hate this. I will never waste time or investment on online relationships like this again and wish I could change my personality altogether.

Please let me be, I will not use social media any longer and have no interest in online community or fandom interactions. I wish I never wasted so much of my life on this shit to begin with. The Internet is a joke and I've been used as nothing more than a laughing stock. I've been fed so many lies and I am only an idiot for ever believing it. It is amazing how communities supposedly full of those who are persecuted could end up being so cruel.

[sunlightandsuffering]

Eren rolls a couple notes up and slips them right between her boobs while she’s flirting with another guy at the bar! Said guy is in shock, even more so when she shrugs and gets up and follows Eren to the back!! Tbh, she was only flirting with this guy because she looked hot tonight and Eren wasn’t there, was probably supposed to be out of town for some gang related stuff and when he got back he checked her location and decided to turn up. His dick got hard the moment he saw her tits spilling out of that tight dress that was riding dangerously high up her thighs. Probably didn’t even see the loser buying her drinks, just wanted to show “not his girl” (definitely his girl) his appreciation 😏 this incident does not help his case that he’s paying for sex 😭

I got this idea from your tattoo artist fic where he pays Miki by putting the cash she’s refusing to take in between her cleavage!!

K anon i loved this so much I had to write a drabble for it, sorry anon that's why it took me a bit lol!! but omg aww, i forget about tattoo artist Miki and Eren sometimes, this is a great reminder lol!

It's not like Eren to show affection.

Wait scratch that, it's not like her or Eren to show affection. They just don't. They're not dating, they're not friends, they're not anything really, enemies at worst, fuck buddies at best, and she wouldn't even extend the courtesy that far. But at the same time, she finds herself missing him when he's not around, finds her gaze circling the bar, waiting for him to show up, to take her to the back room and fuck her brains out like she wants. She hasn't seen him in a while, can she really be blamed? She'd covertly asked Armin and the blonde had given her this smug all-knowing look that she wanted to smack off his face, but ultimately had told her he was out on gang business, something about betting, bookkeeping, she wasn't too sure.

So here she is, pouting as she talks to some Eren wannabe, some hotshot waving his vape around like he isn't vaping fucking cotton candy. It's almost instantly offputting, but he's about the only acceptable one in the bar right now, so she powers through, at least it doesn't smell like smoke as she's so accustomed to from most of her family members.

It could be worse, but then again, it could be better, he could smell like mint and aftershave and the heady scent of Eren's cologne.

The guy gives her a slick smile, his finger trailing along her forearm in some pathetic attempt at flirtation as he attempts to flag the bartender down to grab her a drink.

"What do you want sugar?" Ugh, a nickname too? There's only one person she'll tolerate nicknames from, and it's only because he's particularly good at evading her punches and has a nice dick, no one else.

Mikasa grits her teeth, smile tight, "A corona is fine." "Oh a beer girl, you sure you don't want something a little fruitier?" Absolutely not on her life, it's much harder for guys to drug beer bottles in her experience, and although she's not sure if that's what he's about just yet, he clearly doesn't know exactly who he's dealing with.

She maintains her smile, icy as can be as she gives him a delicate nod, playing the part of demure party girl who has no idea what's going on here, that this bar is used for drug deals and money handoffs.

"I'm okay, I like my beer." He shrugs, making another aggressive motion for the bartender, but he's once again ignored in favour of higher paying customers with more clout. Mikasa fights to hold back her chuckle, Eren would never be refused and if he was the bartender's head would be on the counter, knife to his throat.

The boytoy has teeth if nothing else.

It's really too bad he's not here.

But God must be smiling down on her or something, because before her date for the night can say another word, make another smarmy grab for her waist, cop a feel at her ass, she feels the very alarming touch of another man on her breasts, warm paper cylinders slipping down her top. She almost whips out the knives, who dares to touch her so callously, so boldly and as she looks down, who the fuck thought she was worth 200 in her titties just for existing. Irate silver eyes turn and just as quickly as she's enraged, she melts again

"Eren," she breathes excitedly, because he looks exceptionally handsome tonight, his hair windswept and clearly still high on adrenaline, shirt sticking to every crevice of his chest and arms.

He shrugs, not even bothering to greet her date, not deeming him worth the energy, talks only to her in a low brusque tone, "You look hot tonight Mika, get yourself something good from the bartender." And then Eren snaps, slamming his right hand rather aggressively down onto the bartop, one quick rumble and the bartender appears almost immediately.

Her date is shocked still, mouth hung open in awe while Mikasa eyes up her first choice for the night, considering all the different ways she wants to bed him. "Get her a shot, Patron, none of that cheap shit," he mulls the rest of his decision over for a moment, giving her a quick once over, before shaking his head conspiratorily, "And a corona I guess."

Mikasa beams at him, and he gives her hip a quick pat before pulling out another wad of cash, he must have done well tonight. He slaps it on the counter, before leaning over the bar to very casually grab an entire bottle of vodka, probably for his table if she had to guess, but she knows the cash will more than cover it. He looks up at her date finally, as if remembering he was there, Eren's pretty face pulls up into a disgusted scowl as he notes his hand on her forearm, "And you, newbie, you want anything?" The boy swallows nervously, shaking his head and Eren shrugs before giving her ass a quick smack and waltzing back to his table with his entire bottle of vodka, like he didn't just blow her mind, didn't just pop 200 between her tits bc she looked pretty tonight. And she supposes that's what really attracts her to Eren in the end, his ability to take complete control of a situation, dominate her attention, no one else has ever captured her interest in quite the same way. And as the bartender hands her the corona and her shot, she thinks she wants that tonight and not some green newbie. She takes her shot quickly, chomping down on the lime and wiping her lips with her sleeve, before grabbing the bottle neck of her corona, "I'll see you later newbie, I've got business to take care of." And then she trounces off to see her man, cuddle up in his lap and sip on his vodka until he agrees to leave with her.

She thinks he deserves a little something for saving her from the douche bag and well, like Eren said, she looks hot tonight, her little black dress barely covering her important bits, someone should appreciate it.

[gar-trek]

OKAY TO BE REAL THO.... my spirk journy:

When I first started watching star trek, i did not know spirk existed... HONEST!!!! i was like 13 and i wasnt really active in any star trek fanspaces... just existing in pure bliss and enjoying the show for what it was.... den... as i kept existing through life i was peripherally away of spirk but i never even had one thought about it and if i did that thought was probably like "oh thats kinda weird and funny" THEN... a year before i started my tumblr account, i went to an antique store and found a star trek zine. It was not a spirk story, just a little bit gay. this was during my first year of college when i had yet to make any friends. I found that zine and showed it to some aquantences who thought it was pretty funny, and we all spend an afternoon reading it together, laughing, and speculating if it was supposed to be gay (it was not k/s, but it was still a little gay)... one of those people turned out to be my now very close friend austin (HI AUSTIN) and perhaps this moment shared between us helped our beautiful friendship grow. Either way this was one of my best memories from my shortly lived pre-covid college experience... this made me associate good feelings with star trek zines, and when i went on ebay to check out more i was extremly amused to find that a lot of them were kirk and spock... this is what me and my friends had joked about with the first zine... but for realsies this time... SO i went on ebay and bought some authentic K/S zines and this coincided with me making my tumblr blog.... in January of 2021 i began yet another rewatch of tos... and i was enjoying it so much.. but i wanted someone to talk to about it!!! so i joined tumblr,,, ALSO since i was intrested in zines, RIGHT before i started my tumblr account i looked it up and found that people on tumblr were STILL making spirk zines, which i had become obsessed with, SO I SIGNED UP TO CONTRIBUTE MY ART TO A SPIRK ZINE.. which i did and it was physically printed like 6 months later. anyway i made my first post on january 15th... and by januery 18th... i had reblogged my first spirk post.. then that same day i posted this... as i struggled to come to terms with the fact i shipped spirk

then on febuary 7th... i made a spirk post that got 1.5 K notes... my first taste of spirk clout...I would say my main spirk era lasted untill i started watching tng, which i did in may of 2021. In may i also made a post that likened spirkies to johnlockers, and although i did not say anything negative about spirk shippers, but if i was compairing them to johnlockers i must have been growing wearing. i must also note that during this period, i used to get a lot of random anons that were just like "i love your blog! your content is so funny!" or whatever... and this was like kind of a regualr theing. this really did stop when i started posting about tng more and probably started acting a lot more mean and now i just get anons asking me if i have a gas leak in my house.. just saying. I enjoyed a summer of tng content, and slowly started to realize that i could like a trek that wasnt tos... THEN .. by septerber.. i made my first negative spirk post... a disturbing trend that would be repeated

i was very wearing about saying something negative about spirk, as i knew a lot of my followers and friends LOVED spirk.. but it has began to really grate my nerves. then it was all down hill from there!! anyway, i wont lie. i used to get the spirk feels man. i even read a couple fanfics man!! drew some fan art!!!! idk. i moved on to greener pastures. i used to say sappy things about spirk!!! i think that... me ... shipping spirk and liking that a lot is very much tied to online schooling and a time in my life when i was feeling very isolated from genuine friends. I'm not trying to say like spirk was a trauma response or anything, but its just weird how different my life was a year and a half ago, like much more different then it should have been. it was just like me and spirk against the world back then.... actually like right now writing this post im having a revelation that im probably so soured on spirk because it reminds me of a time in my life when i was a lot less happy then i am right now.. ISNT THAT WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!!! the parellels im drawing.. wow i never thought of it like this before.. okay mind blown. good night everyone

[percy-ils]

Nooo I have become unrecognizable even to you I don't even really like my new url but I didn't know what else to come up with

I have been feeling pretty bad apparently one of his editors called him a horrible person on Twitter today? I'm not very sure but after learning about that I decided to uninstall Twitter and just chill out for a while basically

Sorry for not answering right away as well it's because I literally stood up and went and busied myself I have started coding and you know just yesterday I was thinking wow I'm doing something Dream was doing at this age too I wanna make him proud which maybe it's rather silly but it helps me keep wanting to do it

You shouldn't abstain yourself from your own coping mechanisms because of what other people could possibly think about you if you know hearing his voices and seeing him would make you feel better then go ahead and do so you don't have to punish yourself or anything it makes me really sad and worried to hear you are going through so much pain right now I wish I could be there and give you a hug

You put it into words but now whenever I log on I just feel the same pit on my stomach that I felt when we learned about Techno but just like back then I'm sure we will make it through

I also don't really understand it very well I also think so many people were just fed up and saw this as a good moment to dip like they saw his face the meetup the live panel and the pictures it's like their storyline was finished and now they can move onto something new

But remember it's not your fault the fact that you got a special interest isn't your fault you are in your full right to have it and to keep enjoying and loving Dream I know for a fact I'm staying on Dreblr and whenever lore drops I'm watching it and whenever he streams I'm watching it and whenever he makes a video I'm watching it because at the end of the day no matter what I can't help loving him

Also remember it's only been like two days since this whole thing has started there's a lot we don't know yet so we just gotta wait and see

I still think very much that by the next Saturday everybody will have moved on and those who stay will continue to enjoy it and those who don't will be missed and we will all come out stronger from it and more united

Don't lose hope after just two days we will get through this eventually

I love you too <3 sending you all my hugs and strenght and hope :) - Beloved and idk how to introduce myself anymore ex-Drellumina I suppose

You literally mean the world to me thank you for taking your time to write this all <3

I didnt answer this until now because I had to make my mind about things and I'm pretty clear about what I think now.

I'm not changing my blog, im not leaving the fandom or Dream. I read so many things and listened to many people and I'm pretty sure that Dream is innocent and I trust him. I'm not gonna apologise for loving and following him and there's so many people already sure that he's innocent and this Amanda girl's story makes no sense and it keeps changing, it's just untrustable and inconsistent and she's just seeking clout.

So many people are just acting weird and I cant understand them and you know what. I'm giving up on trying to understand. They do what they want. I'm gonna keep watching Dream. I was saying that I'd trust him with my life last week, that still stands and I trust him with his. He's gonna handle it and it will pass.

But I'm still mad at these people for treating Dream like shit and ruining everything only for a little bit of attention, or the "fifteen minutes of fame" as it is. I'm pretty calm and content right now, just gonna wait for it to pass.

Take care of yourself :))

[masterjedilenawrites]

Blueberries and Cowboys: Chapter 4 (Blueberry Path)

A choose-your-own-adventure style fic. Refer to this Masterlist for previous chapters and alternate paths.

Chapter 4: The Party (Blueberry Path)

Pairing: Thrawn x reader

Content: Light drinking, more pining

Length: 2.4k

AO3 Link (In case you like it better over there, it’s okay, no judgement)

The gala was as elaborate and ostentatious as you would expect of a formal event at the Imperial Naval Academy. It was like the whole ballroom shimmered as glasses of drinks were passed around and ornate dresses swished about in dance. You'd certainly never been a part of anything so grand from your home world before.

It was quite a sight, to be sure. But it still paled in comparison to the man who walked beside you.

You could feel the stares from the classmates and superiors around you as you moved deeper into the ballroom with your date. But you didn't let their open judgement get to you. You were proud to be on the arm of Mitth'raw'nuruodo. If anything, these pretentious Imperials should be envious of your connection to him.

You also tried not to let your own insecurities get to you. Occasionally you'd catch glimpses of yourself and Thrawn, reflecting off mirrors and windows. You'd thought you looked decent standing alone in front of your bedroom mirror. But next to him, you were so... plain.

"The music is quite pleasant," said Thrawn from beside you.

Part of the plan for the night was to substitute your targets for other subjects, so any potential eavesdroppers would be none the wiser to your true intentions. Anything related to music was to symbolize one half of the plan: Eva and Arden.

You saw the couple near the entrance, having just arrived a few minutes behind you. Eli was supposed to keep an eye on them, while you and Thrawn were tasked with Burdick. You internally shook yourself free of your complicated thoughts about the gala and your date, and instead turned your focus to the mission.

"Do you think Eli has noticed?"

"Yes, he seems to be enjoying it." Thrawn nodded across the room, where Eli was standing next to his date. He held a drink and was making a show of casually looking around, but you could tell he was paying extra attention to the entrance.

"And how about that assignment?" you asked. Burdick would be referred to by discussions of homework, another innocent topic. "Have you found your thesis for it yet?"

"No, I'm still looking into it," Thrawn said calmly.

You looked up at him to see his steady red eyes were mostly blinking politely at the faces that passed directly in front of you. Every once in a while, ever so subtly, they would flick elsewhere. A gap in the crowd. A far corner of the room. You even caught him looking at a tray of champagne glasses hovering nearby, casting a perfectly angled reflection of the space behind him.

Gods, he was so good.

"Is there something you wish to say?" he suddenly asked, catching you off guard as his eyes made their way to your own.

"No..." You struggled to find balance, not wanting to seem too dismissive or too dishonest. "I was... uh, just... watching you... watch... the room...."

Thrawn's left eyebrow quirked ever so slightly. Almost imperceptible to the untrained eye, but you knew it was a sign that he was amused.

"It would be far more productive if you were to watch the room with me," he stated. His eyes traveled to somewhere behind you and for a moment you thought he had finally found Burdick. But upon turning, you saw it was only a tall cocktail table that had opened up. Thrawn placed a gentle hand on your lower back and guided you toward it.

"Here. Now we can discreetly observe both directions," he said just low enough that only you could hear. He moved to stand opposite the table from you, and while he was right, your positions now covered both halves of the ballroom, you were finding it difficult to focus on your side when Thrawn was also in your view.

"Drink?" he asked, swiping two champagne glasses from a passing tray and placing them on the table before you had a chance to answer. Considering he didn't touch his glass after that, only resumed his scanning of the crowd with hands folded neatly in front of him, you knew it was more for show than anything.

But your nerves were on fire, and so you gladly took up your glass and downed most of it in one go.

"I have decided on my thesis for the assignment," said Thrawn as you clanked the drink back onto the table. You held back a burp as you casually looked over your shoulder to where Thrawn seemed to be looking. Commander Burdick was hovering by an hors d'oeuvre table, a small plate piled high with food in one hand, scowling at every person that passed him.

"Just the one assignment?" You turned back before the commander could notice you staring. You could've sworn you'd overheard during your recon that Burdick had found his own date.

"My last-minute arrangement," said Thrawn quietly, breaking from the code you were supposed to be using. "It occurred to me the commander may end up distracted by his partner, rather than focusing attention on Arden. Thus, I've arranged for his date to be delayed in arriving, possibly even too late to make it altogether."

You nodded and finished off your champagne.

"You're not impressed."

You looked up at him to find his eyes were inspecting you, searching for something. Approval? Praise? Surely not, not from Thrawn.

"Would you like me to be?" you side-stepped the question, mostly out of surprise.

"I don't do these things for clout," he stated plainly. "But I do value your opinion."

You blinked at him a few times, unsure how to process those words. To say you could count on one hand the number of opinions Thrawn valued outside of his own was an overstatement, as there would only be one finger up for Eli. You'd never dreamed you could be included in that count, too.

Thankfully you were distracted from having to come up with a response by the change in music to something much more lively. Several pairs of people excitedly moved toward the dance floor, including Eli and his date, and Eva and Arden nearby. You angled your head to see around Thrawn's body and watched them.

"The music is... uh... going well." You cringed at your own inability to find a way to incorporate the code. Thrawn casually followed your gaze, only sparing the two couples a second of attention before turning back to give you an amused smirk.

"And now we must do our part. With the homework."

He came around the table with an arm extended and gave you a wink. An honest-to-god wink. You thought you were surely going to collapse on the floor, but managed to grab ahold of his arm in time, allowing him to lead you away from the table.

"Commander," Thrawn's ever-calm voice raised in volume to address the man you were approaching. The Commander in question looked up from his food plate and somehow managed to scowl even deeper as he recognized who was addressing him.

"Well, well. If it isn't my favorite student," Burdick said dryly. Though he was a full two feet shorter than the Chiss, he still had an air of looking down on him. "I'm surprised you'd even come to an event like this."

"The Academy has provided a generous occasion tonight," said Thrawn evenly. "It would have been in bad taste for us not to attend."

It was only when Thrawn referred to you collectively that Burdick took note of your presence.

"Commander," you said with a polite smile that he was definitely not deserving of. "It is quite an evening. Are you enjoying yourself?"

Burdick scoffed slightly, which you took as his attempt at a laugh. He turned back to Thrawn as he responded with a grumbled, "Thoroughly."

"And where is your date, Commander?" Thrawn asked, turning to you slightly. "What was her name? Eva?"

You met Thrawn's eyes, and though they perhaps didn't seem much different than usual, you thought you picked up enough in them to understand his game. You suppressed a mischievous smile as you played along.

"Thrawn," you pretended to scold in a low voice, slapping his arm and giving Burdick an apologetic look. You could already see a vein bulging along the man's temple at the mention of her name. "I'm so sorry, Commander.... Thrawn, I told you they're not together, not anymore."

"Ah," the Chiss nodded solemnly. "That explains why I saw her dancing with a fellow classmate of ours."

He turned to cast a look at the couple in question, and to allow enough of a view for Burdick to see them on the dance floor as well. Arden was moving rather intimately with Eva, and though they were a distance away, you could still see the boy's eyes glancing over at Eli and Sadie just a few steps beside them. Your friend was putting on quite a show with Sadie, undoubtedly making Arden feel the need to one-up him with his own partner. How clever.

"Who is that?" you feigned ignorance, squinting your eyes just a little dramatically.

"I believe his name is Arden Fey," said Thrawn. "He is in our flight class."

The two of you watched the couple for just a few seconds more before simultaneously turning back to Burdick. The man's face was as flushed with annoyance as you'd hoped.

"My apologies, Commander," said Thrawn. "I did not mean to be inconsiderate. However, on that note, I have spotted another one of our professors. We really must acknowledge them. Please excuse us."

Thrawn gave a courteous nod as he began leading you away. The Commander only remained rooted to the spot, glaring at his ex as she continued to move provocatively with her new beau.

There did end up being another professor that you spent some time greeting. You tapped your fingers restlessly against your thigh while Thrawn engaged in their small talk, all the while sneaking looks behind you to track Burdick as he continued to fixate on the dance floor. When Thrawn eventually wrapped up, you were practically bounding after him as you went toward the veranda in the back of the ballroom.

"Oh my god," you finally let yourself smile, wide and excited. There were only a few people outside, most briefly checking on the view before returning indoors, and one pair who'd clearly been fooling around in the shadows and hurried away with frustrated looks as you and Thrawn went up to the balcony.

"I can't believe we're pulling this off," you were still gushing.

"You speak as if you had doubts about this evening," said Thrawn. He leaned against the railing beside you, an amused glint in his eyes as he watched your face contort in all its excitement.

"Not doubts, just..." you shrugged, not sure why you were so surprised, honestly. It's not like this was the first, or even the most complex, scheme of Thrawn's you'd been a part of. Maybe it was that glass of champagne, or your nerves from earlier that day resurfacing. "I don't know, it just feels good when a plan comes together."

Thrawn hummed, his eyes lingering on you for a moment longer before he looked away in thought. You let your gaze drift out, too, taking in the twinkling glow of the garden lights. There wasn't much impressive with that small patch of greenery in the daytime; most of the plants were imported and only minimally kept up by ungrateful horticulture students who just needed some extra credits for the year. But at night, there was enough shadow to pretend something interesting might be hiding out there. In fact, now that you thought of it....

"Oh, I heard they're bringing in some featherferns soon," you said, remembering you'd been meaning to tell him before all of this flight school drama came up. "One in the traditional violet, but the other is supposedly a pale yellow. Possibly a hybrid, or maybe sun damaged, they're going to have to study it to be sure. But they'll replace those awful garlic roses."

Whatever thoughts Thrawn had been consumed by were no longer important as he looked down on you with wide eyes. "I was not aware you were keeping tabs on the Academy's flora collection."

You threw him a little smile and a shrug. "Well, ever since someone taught me to appreciate it, I can't help but stay informed."

"I am glad," he said, turning to face you more fully. "And likewise, your enthusiasm for this evening also pleases me. Your good spirits are... infectious."

You gripped the balcony railing in order to steel yourself. Your eyes flitted about his face, once again unsure how to read it. Was he really smiling at you now, or was it your imagination playing tricks? A mere projection of the feelings you wished he had? You usually didn't mind the mystery that surrounded Thrawn; in fact, it was probably what drew you closer to him. If he chose not to show his thoughts and feelings, he did so for good reason, and you were free from the burden of having to interpret or address them.

But now it infuriated you. You needed to know what he was thinking. Where did his mind go every time you said something that caused him to look away? How strongly of a line had he drawn between your usual dynamic and the parts he was having you play tonight? Was he even conscious of the fact you were standing much closer than friends typically did in such a setting?

You shivered involuntarily. It was much cooler outside, but his gaze on you was also unnerving. The slight shake of your arms and the growing goosebumps on your skin did not escape his notice.

"You're cold," he stated.

Despite the truth of that statement, no sooner did he say it did your cheeks flush with warmth. Now you were wondering if he was going to offer you his jacket, picturing how warm it would be, how it would smell like him.

"We should return inside."

But obviously Thrawn's solution was much more practical. He moved away from the balcony and set his arm back in place for you to accept it. You cursed at yourself for letting your feelings get the best of you yet again today. Why were you doing this to yourself?

You took his arm and offered an easygoing comment to cover your silliness. "We should probably check on our assignment, anyway."

He nodded with what could've been another smile, but you were determined not to keep reading into it.

"Yes, we certainly should."

[cuntyko]

SNITCHING FOR CLOUT A GEN Z PHENOMENON

happiness is a butterfly is the anthem of success

says a girl who once took a personality quiz and apparently is most like a cartoon mad scientist trying to defeat his own existentialism...

I mean maybe I am the serial killer that Lana is talking about, but thats neither here nor there

guys the amount of fucking narcs I see on the daily is like sad...

everything mainstream culture took from the streets is just gone, like credibility honor mean like nothing to people anymore,,, its more about if twitter deems you to be a decent person or not,,, like this fear based living were you'll hear normal regular shmegular ass people worried about being cancelled. As if that fucking means anything, bitch at this point doing something cancelable is the only thing you can do to get noticed.... kinda like the 2009-2012 era of youtube.

its so interesting how people will hate something so much they sensationalize its like the perfect analogy for love and hate being cousins or something, but seriously I'm really not down wit the shit is witness people doing out here. its like we traded social etiquette for basic human expectations, the internet is a prison state, peoples court. I saw this video of this girl snitching on the guy that sold fake id's to their grade in like high school, as if thats makes him a child molester or something... this whole underaged or aged shit is getting out of hand we acting like we all IN o CENT

EXCUSE MEEE!!!

hi hello look at me its just me and you talking here, personal responsibility here my man, you're gonna find a way to get what you want either way. its the philosophy of youth you're suppose to do the things you're not supposed to, and I know we like to think of extremes so when I say that some of you might have thought "yea jo we are supposed to rape and murder? is that what your saying?" dude chill no how many times do you encounter that shit irl? never oh then why are you constantly thinking about it. I get it you never know but at what point does it literally become you manifesting this shit.

STOP and I mean STOP feeling the need to cope with things that have yet to happen to you, the internet isn't real and I feel like a lot of people need to hear that post cover because like it seems as if everyone forgot

but anyways I'm tired of seeing people getting mad at kids doing bad ass little kid things, the adultification of gen z is also something Ima want to talk about, cuz it really seems as if people expect the teeny boppers to skip this era of their life just because they've seen other people??? growing up???? lol but thats for another time

what I really want is to people to start thinking about their own morals like what do you like actually believe in not what you feel you should believe in or whatever what ever ok GUYS lets think critically lets have brains lets mindless zombies ;)

[seyaryminamoto]

I feel like i'm gonna regret asking this but what is hiby

Oh. Ohohoho, oh. I recently answered this to someone else (not on this blog), I suppose there are so many newcomers in this fandom lately that HIBY has become slightly less known than it used to be.

HIBY stands for How I Became Yours, the most polemic and catastrophic fancomic in the history of the Avatar franchise. If you thought any of the official comics were problematic in any sense, woah boy, they’re goddamn flawless masterpieces compared to this thing.

Every possible angle of HIBY is problematic. Spot-on accusations of tracing were the main reason why Deviantart took down Jackie Diaz’s profile and comic from their platform. I heard Nickelodeon also got involved legally, not 100% sure on that front, but if true, they cracked down on her because she attempted to profit off this clunky mess of an inconsistent story by claiming it was somehow an official sequel to ATLA. To clarify, this last thing is something I was told, I can’t find actual sources to confirm it… so maybe I heard an exaggerated account of the tale of HIBY and it never went that far. Nevertheless, this comic didn’t need to escalate into a legal problem to be absolutely abhorrent.

In regards of art, HIBY somehow keeps discarding the asian-inspired setting seen throughout ATLA and instead favors showing the characters in European castles and outfits that don’t fit anywhere within ATLA’s world at all:

Katara is basically wearing a red version of Belle’s dress from Beauty and the Beast, if I’m not mistaken. The architecture of the place they’re at is so European it’s baffling (if I’m not mistaken, this is supposed to be Toph’s family’s house :’D). Also, it’s blatantly obvious that the background is a photograph, so she could’ve just as easily looked for photos of asian locations instead, but she picked european architecture because yes. Yet more blows against the possible artistic merits someone could offer this comic (if there’s any).

Now, though, the BIGGEST problem in HIBY is, of course, the story:

To recap: ATLA ends with Aang and Katara kissing at Ba Sing Se. Whatever problems someone may have with their relationship, or Mai and Zuko’s, or Sokka and Suki’s, it’s unquestionable that those three ships were canon by the end of the show.

Jackie Diaz’s SEQUEL COMIC doesn’t acknowledge this finale: somehow, Aang is in love with Toph but they’re not together despite there’s literally NOTHING in their way, since Aang and Katara weren’t together at all, according to Diaz. And Katara? Oh, she’s pining endlessly over Zuko, who somehow married Mai…

… Despite wanting Katara too.

… Despite he literally knocked up Katara back when the war was ending, which resulted in a miscarriage because of Mai’s wicked schemes~~!!

Can someone please explain to me in what world does it make sense for Zuko, FIRE LORD ZUKO, to be in a relationship with someone he doesn’t want, when the person he does want is RIGHT THERE, AVAILABLE, when there’s no real political consequences to ANYTHING that happens in this comic? You could say “oh no the Fire Nation people wouldn’t accept a Water Tribe woman…” … but then Zuko ends up with Katara anyways and the only problem is that Mai wants to kill them for that :’) so… no excuse works.

Basically there’s no real plot, the whole thing boils down to “I want these ships to happen and I need them to face hardships even if they don’t make sense”. The main hardship is that Mai doesn’t want her HUSBAND to carry out an affair with Katara. Zuko’s response to Mai’s obvious and reasonable complaint about their illicit relationship is to TURN VIOLENT WITH HER. And he’s the good guy :’)

Mai has a non-existent older brother Sho, who looks like a BLEACH character with Ozai’s hairstyle, and together they will try to kill Katara because, welp, someone has to give them trouble, I guess. In all fairness, the only character with a relatively logical flow of thought in this damn trainwreck is Mai. I mean, “my piece of shit husband married me for political clout, got his mistress pregnant, I didn’t want the kid to be a problem for me so I induced a miscarriage in Katara by poisoning her, probs just wanted Katara dead altogether but whatever, I only got the kid. Then Zuko threw me away despite I’m his legal wife and I’m really pissed about it so I want Katara dead” is the smartest writing in this entire comic. And no, that’s not a compliment, it’s still stupid as fuck but that’s how much more stupid everything else is. 

So, the happy couples are, like I said, Zuko and Katara, who get together despite Zuko is married to Mai, Aang and Toph, who somehow weren’t together despite there’s nothing in the way, AAAND… 

… Sokka and fake!Azula. Because I refuse to acknowledge that thing as the Princess we all love and adore.

Frankly, I consider it a miracle that HIBY didn’t destroy our ship completely when it was posted online, seeing as it was amongst the most talked-about fanmade content in Avatar’s fandom at the time. If people no longer associate Sokkla with HIBY immediately, we’ve definitely done a good job saving our poor ship’s face and showing it’s got a fuckton of potential compared to the shitfest that comic portrayed.

Why is Sokkla so problematic in HIBY? Because of fake!Azula, of course. Why is she fake!Azula? Because she’s got plot-convenient amnesia! Turns out that, for some reason, Azula forgot all the events from ATLA (let’s be real, so did Jackie Diaz so it’s not just her) and she shows up in this comic as a completely different character, so much that, upon hearing about the TERRIBLE THINGS SHE DID AND WAS, her reaction is…:

Fascinating, am I right? :’D She’s nice, sweet, shy and as good as brain-dead. And as she’s so sweet and cute now, somehow that becomes absolutely appealing for Sokka. And he falls for her, she falls for him, they bang dramatically, and so on and so forth…

Eventually Azula sacrifices herself in the final battle when Mai and her brother try to kill everyone and oh no! Sokka’s love interest dies again! Such a shocker, however, that Sokka goes to the Spirit World to save her, and unlike Iroh he succeeds… but what does Azula look like post-Spirit World shenanigans?

… Yeah, okay, fake!Azula calling anyone her “little angels” is just proof of how IC she is, if you had any doubts still.

But isn’t it FUNNY. Isn’t it HILARIOUS. That Azula not only undergoes an atom-deep brainwipe that turns her into a flat non-character, but that after dying she’s revived with WHITE HAIR, dressed in blue clothes and whatnot…?

My interpretation, and honestly, I don’t know if there’s any other possible interpretation… Jackie Diaz wanted Sokka to be with Yue :’) She fucking wrecked Azula’s character to turn her into a fake!Azula, who would eventually turn into fake!Yue after being resurrected because oh that’s just perfect to close off Sokka’s storyline, isn’t it? Only, he’s not with Yue nor with Azula because it’s neither of them. Just as it isn’t really Sokka either, or Katara, or Zuko or Aang or Toph.

Now, revisiting this trainwreck, there is a throwaway line where Ty Lee, in her (I think) only appearance in the story tells Katara that Suki and Sokka broke up. So um, Suki does exist, officially, in this comic, and she did date Sokka but it ended, and she’s back in Kyoshi Island with her team. 

Which elicits the question… why the fuck is she Mai’s maid?

I assure you, if you decide to delve deeper into this mess, you’ll absolutely find a lot more things to laugh about, to be outraged about, and to facepalm about while you wonder how on earth would someone, ANYONE, create something like this and not die of cringe looking at the finished product. It’s baffling to me.

At any rate, if you’d like to torture your own eyeballs reading this comic for yourself, there’s a Tumblr blog that gathered HIBY perfectly neatly for all curious eyes eager to torture themselves with this OOC fest. If you want more details than I care to remember about this catastrophic mess of a story, there’s always the TV Tropes page, which I think illustrates everything rather well. 

So… that’s HIBY. While I don’t think it should be sentenced to oblivion (we had best never forget the lowest lows the fandom has reached, else someone might be tempted to outdo them), this particular fanwork is quite the trainwreck in just about every regard. I really don’t think there’s anything worth salvaging in it. So, if you wanna read the whole thing (I’d be surprised if you would xD), knock yourself out in the blog link I posted up there. Otherwise, have a nice day if you still can after reading my answer to your ask :’D

[jcmorrigan]

Just popping by and asking because I'm curious about your self ship with Giovanni. How did you both meet? :3

Ooh, I love this story! Though I had it only bare-bones before...this ask inspired me to sit on it and think through more of the details! So now I have a little more of that.

First of all, it doesn’t exactly follow the storyline of this song, but I just discovered it last night and I was STRUCK by how fitting it was for this whole ship, so give it a listen while reading this. Also, this got LONGER THAN I EXPECTED I’M SO SORRY

So. Here’s me: Rachel Scribere. Absolute mundie. Wants to be Inscribed, but that’s just not my life. Also wants to move up in the publishing industry, since she loves writing (mostly fanfiction, but let’s not tell the world that). And good news! A suburb outside Sweet Jazz City is hiring for a small local paper! Better than nothing, right? So I move from my small town into the heart of the city, scraping up for a cheap apartment so I can get started at work.

And it’s Hell.

My boss? Racist, homophobic, Lexist, and thinks I’m annoying. This job is slowly killing me, but I think it’s my only shot. If I lose it, I lose the apartment, I have to move back in with my parents, I have to let everyone down. Not to mention I haven’t made any friends yet in this city...surely my co-workers can’t be as bad as I think, right? They’ll be my pals eventually, right?

In the throes of depression, feeling absolutely no worth, I’m left to watch the office one day while the others are out. At a “business lunch” without me. Because I’m not in their inner circle yet, and probably will never be. I’m just trying to do some menial task they haven’t trained me how to do properly, nearly crying because it’s just not working and I know they’re gonna come back and be mad with how little I got done.

When the wall blows open.

“THERE’S NOWHERE LEFT TO RUN, [SUBURB] HERITAGE MUSEUM! FOR YOU HAVE BECOME THE NEXT TARGET OF THE BANZAI BLASTERS, AND THEIR PEERLESS LEADER, GIOVANNI POTAGE!”

When the dust clears, we’re trying to work out what, exactly, just happened.

He tried to rob a heritage museum in this suburb...and showed up at the wrong fucking building.

So he’s just all “Oh. So that’s why I’m the only one who showed up. Caaaan we just forget this ever happened? OKAYTHANKSBYE” and peaces out.

Well, I’m just about done, because our office got blown up and I still haven’t done my job and this is gonna be on my head and I just kinda fall on the floor and start crying. (Look, I know this isn’t the most headstrong start, but it’s my fantasy and I wanna be rescued from despair!)

When Giovanni WALKS RIGHT BACK IN to ASK ME FOR DIRECTIONS TO THE ACTUAL MUSEUM -

And witnesses me having a breakdown. “Hey...you, uh...you okay there?”

Well, now I’m mad at him for fucking up my life, because I am SO fired, so I get up and start sobbing and screaming at him how this is gonna be seen as my fault, and how this was already so horrible and it’s just so much worse now, but I launch into how little I was valued and Giovanni interrupts to express disbelief that my bosses didn’t take the time to help me catch up and feel welcome. After all, aren’t bosses supposed to treat their minions with love and respect?

Well, that’s when said bosses come back to the office. And they let me HAVE it.

Giovanni is miffed for two reasons. One, that they’re ragging on their precious minion (me) when that’s not something anyone should ever do, not ever! Two, that by going all “SCRIBERE. WHAT...DID...YOU...DO?”, they are totally stripping him of the cred of having made that bombastic entrance. He’s supposed to be the villain here, okay? Know his name! Fear it!

A great big argument ensues, with Giovanni defending this poor “newspaper minion” he just met and me not knowing what to say and my bosses trying to chase this crazy supervillain wannabe out of their office. And as Giovanni starts rattling off how much I deserve better and I’d be better off just quitting and being a villain...I get the impulsive idea. Hey, why not? At least I might feel alive.

So I stand up and make the decision for myself. I’m quitting. Effective now. And becoming an actual villain because I’m tired of adulting. SEE YA!

And I walk out.

Only to realize, a couple blocks away, that I have just thrown out my only financial lifeline.

Cue breakdown #2.

Now, Giovanni, he hasn’t gone love-at-first-sight for me or anything. But he does know a sad minion when he sees one, and he sort of has it in his head this is kiiiiiinda his fault, so he tails me to make sure I’m okay (which I’m not). And, I mean, a professional villain isn’t who I expected to be venting to, but he’s all I’ve got, so when he says he’ll listen, I just let it all out.

Giovanni has a great idea: I could join the Banzai Blasters with him! To which I utterly refuse. I mean, everyone knows it’s a pyramid scheme at this point, right? No one would join without being fully aware of that. (Gio: ”Heheh...yeah...I mean, I definitely knew that when I signed on, but that just means they’re legit bad guys...”)

But then he gets a BETTER idea! What if I’m an independent contractor villain? I keep the spoils of my own heists! He even thinks he remembers the name of some appraiser in the Blaster handbook that could help me get a foothold in the black market! I just need to steal some stuff to get startup capital, and hey, no one said I couldn’t tag along with the Blaster squad and take some of the spoils, like the awesome cursed swords we’re gonna find at the museum! (Me: “...What do you think the heritage museum is actually for?”) After all, the Blasters’ success is more based on clout and rank than the actual things they walk away with. No one will notice if one or two nice things goes missing! Not to mention, if I’m not an official Blaster, I get to pick my OWN uniform!

I’m desperate. And you know what? This...sounds like fun. What if I just said “fuck it”? So I agree. (And mentally plan out a potential blue-and-black aesthetic for my villain career.)

I also agree to give Giovanni a ride over there, since he is seriously NOWHERE NEAR THE MUSEUM.

En route, since it’s my car, he gets to hear one of my car mixes (IRL I make killer car mixes that make riding in my car like playing Russian Roulette - you could get rock, you could get emo, you could get trashy pop, you could get video game music, or you could just get a meme). And so he learns about my music taste. He also starts grilling me on my life - what do I do for fun? Well, I...write. They’re not really publishable stories, but...

Giovanni: “It’s fanfiction, isn’t it?” Me: “GOD DAMMIT”

He also asks my name. Which he hates, because he graduated with seven Rachels, and I can’t blame him, because I graduated with four others.

We finally get to the museum and the rest of the squad has been waiting for like an hour. They know he got lost but aren’t about to bring it up. Giovanni announces that he’s bringing a friend today and I get to help out.

Now, it’s worth noting at this point that I noticed he was QUITE A HANDSOME FELLA from the moment he walked into the room through the hole he blew in the wall, and his quirks are exactly My Type. So I’m already starting to crush on him. But I am well aware that should NOT be ANY sort of priority right now. As for me? He just sees me as a new villain buddy! (He develops feelings for me later, at which point he’s horrified because “I WASN’T SUPPOSED TO HAVE A FAVORITE MINION!”.)

The other Blasters are just like “Okay, cool” because it’s really not strange at this point for Giovanni to pick up a stray (”How do you think we got Flamethrower?”). Ben is excited because now he’s not the only one who doesn’t have a cool minion name, but now Giovanni wants to give me one to spite Ben. “Hmm...let’s see...you’re a writer, so...Storyteller? Chronicler? No...oh, wait! You also like all that weird music! What about COMPOSER? See, it’s a double meaning, because it’s a music thing, but also, you COMPOSE stories...you...you get it? It’s wordplay.”

Composer. I like it. In return, even though Giovanni’s technically not my boss, I agree to call him Boss. (”And really, I may not be your boss legally, but I want you to think of me as a boss in your heart.”)

And we have FUN clearing out the museum. It’s a Sunday, so it’s closed and no one’s actually there, so we just have the run of the place. I get to take back a couple artifacts that Sweet Jazz history buffs on the black market will love.

At the end of the day, Giovanni is all excited for this new partnership, and he’s talking up how he’s going to meet up with me tomorrow to get my stuff appraised - can he have my number? Just to keep in touch? - and I have to discreetly drop him back off at the newspaper office so he can collect his Vespa and drive home. (Look. I know he does not, in canon, drive a Vespa. But he gives me the exact energy of someone who drives a Vespa, so in this ‘verse, he has one. Just rollin’ down the road like he’s on a motorcycle when it’s a fuckin’ scooter that just goes very fast)

Before I drop him off, though, he asks me if they’re gonna kick me out of my place due to me not having a paycheck that day. See, he doesn’t exactly understand how rent works. I assure him I have a due date. He tells me that I can totally crash at his and his mom’s place if I want; he’ll bug his mom into making up the guest room. Apparently she’ll be happy that he’s made more actual friends.

I joke that she would probably be fazed that he brought a girl home. He says that’s never been a concern. “Oh. Not into girls?” “No, I am. And guys. And a couple who weren’t either. The thing is, if my mom was gonna ban everyone I COULD end up being attracted to, she’d have to ban...EVERYONE. And then I wouldn’t be allowed to have ANY friends over.”

I drop him off, go back home...and hit breakdown #3.

What was I fucking thinking? I can’t be a supervillain. Especially not an independent contractor. I’m on the wrong side of the law for a living. This isn’t going to turn a profit...and that’s not even taking into account the trouble I’ll get in with the heat. I’m having anxiety, shakes, nausea, the whole works. Starting to think this isn’t worth it. Maybe starting to feel a little suicidal.

Crawl into bed. Barely sleep. Drag myself out of bed the next day to rendez-vous with Giovanni.

Just seeing him makes me feel...slightly better. He and I head off to a hidden locale to briefly confer with Ramsey Murdoch over my finds. (”Just don’t look him directly in the gross rat face.”)

Ramsey informs me I actually have some valuable stuff on my hands, recommends some buyers, makes an offhand joke about us being a “cute couple” that goes right over Giovanni’s head.

This doesn’t do much to reassure me. I still feel empty. Hollow. Afraid. But Giovanni, he SENSES this on the drive home. He can also tell I put in one of my most upbeat dance mixes to cover the sadness. So he pesters me until I tell him how I really feel...

And he refuses to leave me alone all day because a good boss doesn’t leave a minion who’s feeling that down on herself.

We end up back at his place. Start out by watching movies. I have to put up with him and his mom yelling at each other, but Ms. P. switches on a dime around me - “So glad you’re here, Sweetie. Giovanni could use more good friends like you. Good influences who will tell him NOT TO PUT HIS FEET ON THE LIVING ROOM TABLE GOD DAMMIT HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO GO OVER THIS WITH YOU GIOVANNI anyway, Rachel, can I get you anything? A drink? Some popcorn? Since MY RUDE SON DIDN’T ASK WHAT HIS GUEST WANTED WHEN SHE CAME OVER but you name it and I’ll get it for you.”

I’m still depressed. I cuddle up in a blanket. It’s hand-knitted. I mention that it’s super comfy. Giovanni takes it as a compliment, revealing that he made it himself. This leads to him parading a bunch of things he’s knitted in front of me - scarves, hats, etc. And I love every one of them. Oh, no, I am falling for this man and am also still depressed.

We end the day by plotting out my new villain attire. He’s good at sketching out patterns for clothes, so I give him an aesthetic to go for - blue, corset lacing, asymmetrical skirt, off-the-shoulder, is this too Disney villain?, you know what I don’t care, hey, that looks great! (Eventually he actually helps me put that monstrosity together)

He sticks around. I gradually become more confident in my element, making sales, stealing more things, getting comfortable with THE VILLAIN LIFE, actually turning up a profit because Ramsey knows where the market is and is glad to show me, and hanging out with the Blasters on a regular basis in an abandoned library we’ve taken over as our lair (Giovanni says the word “Lair-brary” once and immediately regrets it and asks us all to forget he ever combined those syllables).

And I’m happy. Finally.

Then one day, in the library lair that is not a Lair-brary, there’s some shenanigan and a bookshelf almost falls on me and crushes me and Giovanni tackles me out of the way because THAT’S WHAT ANY DECENT VILLAIN BOSS WOULD DO FOR HIS PRECIOUS MINIONS and oh. Oh my God. If I didn’t have a crush on this man before, I LOVE him now. Oh, no. Oh, no... ;-)

That’s pretty much the origin story. I’m still kind of nursing the idea of doing an AU version of this in TBTC, and I would probably still wanna use “busts into WRONG PLACE, sees Rachel being mistreated, takes her to rob a place to feel better,” and I hope it’s not tacky to copy the same device. But yeah, I hope that wasn’t the 15 minutes of your life you’ll never get back

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Buster

Bea: Is it true? Buster: Do you wanna be more specific or do you want me to guess what you mean? Bea: Buster Bea: Did I not make myself clear, did I not implicitly tell you to slow down Buster: Yeah, but this isn't about you, mum Buster: I didn't do this just to annoy you, like Bea: Well I wasn't telling you for myself Buster: Well, I don't need the warning Buster: It's fine Bea: No, you did but you haven't listened Bea: Jesus Bea: putting aside the real issue here, you should be saving for Uni, if you want to go to America that won't be cheap Buster: I'm going to Trinity, it's already been decided Bea: You haven't even got your conditional offers yet you have to keep your options open Buster: They'll offer me a place Bea: Do you even want to go there or are you just going because it's near her Buster: I wanna be with her so it's the same thing Buster: I'm not gonna go miles away Bea: It's not, you need to pick the best University for you based on what you want to do Bea: nothing else Buster: She's got things she wants to do too, I'm not asking her to put her life on hold Buster: Besides, I've toured it, it's a good school Buster: Calm down Bea: I'm not concerned about her life Bea: it's yours, you need to do what's right for you Buster: I am though Bea: Are you? Bea: Or are you being short-sighted Buster: I'm not asking you to be happy about it, but I am Bea: For now Bea: less so when this all falls apart and you're stuck that close to them all Buster: That's not gonna happen Buster: But it's nice to know you're so convinced it will Bea: One of us needs to be realistic Buster: How is that the realistic option? It didn't happen to you and dad Bea: It still could've Bea: and we still went to the Unis we wanted to go to and did our own thing Buster: And it nearly broke you up Buster: I can succeed at any uni Buster: I like Dublin Bea: This is beside the point Bea: we've never said we're a shining example Buster: What is your point, mum? Buster: You're not gonna change my mind Bea: My point is you're being really stupid Buster: I'm not Buster: But unsurprisingly, I don't care if you think so Buster: I've made loads of mistakes but this isn't one Bea: We didn't work this hard for you to make the same mistakes we did Buster: Like I said, I'm not making a mistake Buster: It's a shame you didn't fight this hard when other members of the fam were, but you know Bea: What's that supposed to mean? Buster: You really don't need a list, do you? Buster: Look at the fucked up mess everybody is in Bea: They're not my children Bea: That's not my job Buster: Well played Buster: Focus all your energy on this instead, yeah? Buster: I get it, but honestly, there's no need Bea: You think Buster: Yeah Buster: I'm good Buster: You don't need to worry about me Bea: Good one Buster: What do you want me to say? Buster: I'm not going to America Buster: I'm gonna marry Rio one day Buster: Support it or don't Bea: I want you to think about this more than you have Bea: You've just turned 18, this is ridiculous Buster: I have thought about it, I do, it's basically all I think about Buster: And we aren't having the wedding next week, like Bea: You've not even had a real girlfriend before this Buster: 'Cause I've always wanted to be with her Buster: Don't you understand that yet? Bea: You're too young to know what you want Buster: Bullshit Buster: You weren't. Her parents weren't Bea: Stop holding us up as examples when we aren't Bea: Do better, Buster Buster: Give me some credit Buster: Not to mention, give yourself like Buster: some* Bea: I just don't want you to get hurt Bea: or think you have to make such serious decisions right now, what's the rush? Buster: You can't protect me from any of that shit, believe me, I wish you could too and I know Nance does but that's not the way things work Buster: It's gonna be okay, mum, just trust me Buster: You always told me I can do anything, be anything I want, there's no going back on it now and you don't really wanna Buster: I'm trying to tell you, there isn't any rush, we aren't getting married yet Bea: I just don't understand why you feel the need to do this Bea: but no, I can't stop you Buster: Yes you do Buster: You know how much we have to prove to everyone Buster: But that's not even why, I love her and I want to marry her Buster: Why's that so bad? Buster: Aren't we allowed to be happy? Christ Bea: Of course Bea: of course we want you to be happy Buster: Just not with her then or what? Buster: Or am I supposed to wait around until I'm 40 until its valid Bea: It's like you said Bea: You have to learn these lessons yourself Buster: I'm not the one with a problem Bea: I just think there are better ways you could spend your time and money right now Buster: Like by running off to America and acting like I might not have a baby on the way? Is that your big plan for me, yeah? Bea: Do you really want that girl in your life Bea: I don't think so Buster: Of course I don't Buster: But we've had that convo already, it's not a choice Bea: If you say so Buster: Why do you want me to run away so badly? Bea: I don't Bea: I want you to do what's right for you Buster: That's what I'm doing Buster: Stop fighting me on it Bea: I'm not fighting you on it, I'm questioning it and I'd be a pretty shit parent if I didn't Buster: Fine Buster: Whatever Bea: How has everyone else taken it? Buster: As expected Buster: But we're not exactly shouting it from the rooftops, like Bea: You can't expect people not to notice though Buster: We aren't, we're just not throwing it in their faces either Bea: Well Bea: you're not exactly being inconspicuous with it either Buster: Good. We don't wanna be Buster: I'm not ashamed, mum, sorry if that's how you want it Bea: Is that what I said? Bea: Don't put words in my mouth Bea: Have you spoken to your sister yet? Buster: Well, you don't want me to be with her, you've all but said that with your own actual words so Buster: And no, I haven't Buster: It'll be better coming from Rio Bea: Probably Bea: but you can't avoid her forever Buster: I'm hardly avoiding her, we're in different cities Buster: You want me at school, I'm at school Bea: Don't get shirty Bea: She'll have questions for you that Rio can't answer, is all Buster: She knows where I am Bea: You're capable of meeting her halfway Buster: I'm not the one with questions Buster: And I'm not looking for her validation any more than I am yours Bea: I don't know what to say to you Buster: Then end the conversation Buster: It speaks for itself Bea: Don't tell me what to do Bea: I don't think you appreciate how much of a shock this is for everyone else Bea: You may have known for however long you claim but it wasn't known, okay Buster: I'm not stupid Buster: But I am done letting everyone else's reactions dictate to me Buster: Everything I've done and not done is always about what the rest of you are gonna say or think or do about it Buster: I don't think you appreciate how unhappy I was for years pretending that I felt the opposite to how I do Buster: At least Nance will understand that, if nothing else Bea: I'm sorry you felt that way Bea: we never asked you to be something you're not but if that's how you understood it then Bea: I guess we have some reflecting to do Buster: I'm not blaming you Buster: I still did what I did and made my own choices Buster: But those were the wrong ones and this is right Bea: It isn't good enough Bea: because I knew you weren't happy but I didn't do enough about it Buster joined the chat 90 minutes ago Buster: What could you have done? It's not like I came to you about it Buster: Or would've Buster: Don't beat yourself up about it Bea: Yeah well Bea: you should've been able to shouldn't you Buster: I'm a teenage boy and you're my mum so I'm gonna go ahead and say no Buster: That'd be weird Bea: Your Dad then Bea: Whatever Bea: the important things Buster: Come on Buster: I have and you've helped me loads Bea: None of that matters if you weren't happy, Buster Bea: Don't you know that? Buster: I'm happy now Buster: That's what matters Bea: You are? Buster: Of course Bea: No bullshit? Buster: I'm happy, mum Bea: Good Bea: That's okay then Buster: Are we? Buster: I don't wanna fight with you Bea: Yeah Buster: Alright, good Bea: Well Bea: That's all I had to say Buster: Yeah Buster: How's Ro or is that a stupid question? Bea: Ha Bea: Nightmare Bea: Convinced she's in labour constantly but she isn't Buster: Can they not bring it on at the hospital yet and save your sanity? Bea: Ha not yet Bea: She wishes Bea: Medical clout not getting her those kind of perks Buster: Old wives tales it is then Buster: Good fucking luck Bea: Tell me about it Bea: Ali reckons she can take some time off when it's here so she can take over Buster: That's something Buster: Dad will be buzzing if you come back Bea: It's not like I've not being seeing him at work Bea: only this last week because she can't be left alone Buster: Yeah but he's been in a right mood at home Bea: I've heard Bea: Indie is Bea: a lot Buster: True, but we all know why Bea: I know, I'm not blaming the kid Bea: not something you want to come home to after a hard day though Buster: Same, dad, same Bea: Hey, you're signing up for as much Buster: Yeah but I don't have to celebrate the fact, do I? Dad and Ro's relationship is a sight to behold but you make it work Buster: I'm not at that level of annoyed with Indie, like Bea: You do what you must Buster: Loads of her fam are annoying but that's just probability, bound to happen with how many of them there are Bea: Hmm, and here you are, defeating all odds Buster: Obviously Bea: Idiot Buster: Love you too, like Bea: Yeah yeah Buster: See you soon then, yeah? Bea: Of course Buster: Call me if you've pushed Auntie down the stairs or whatever Buster: I'll do my best to help Bea: Cheers Bea: Get the kid out first, like Bea: Not a monster Buster: 'Course not Bea: Love you kid Buster: I know Buster: Take care, mum Bea: You too